2005-08-18
Light and Breezy!
My friend Tschahn started using this expression which describes a critical mode of communicating during the early stages of dating: "Light and breezy." Light and Breezy is your key to getting laid a lot, or at least getting another date, or maybe even just A date.
Light and breezy was originally used in the context of a phone message -- when leaving a message for a hopeful suitor, one must be "light and breezy", as opposed to "heavy and hurricane-force-winds-needy".
An example of the antithesis of Light and Breezy is the scene in Swingers where Jon Favreau calls Nikki's answering machine 13 times in a row. (The definition of dating hell.)
The true "light and breezy" message let's the recipient know that you care, but not that much, and you'd like to see them again, maybe, and you think they're cute, kinda, and... well, although you're also very busy and very "bien dans ton peau" you might, maybe, like to see them again, and, OOPS! gotta go, another call.
Light and Breezy:
"Hi, Jason. This is Jennifer. You gave me your phone number the other night, and I thought I'd give you a call. I was with a bunch of girls at a bachelorette party at The Martini Bar -- I hope we weren't too crazy! Well, gotta run -- give me a call sometime if you feel like catching a Bruin's game, and if I don't hear from you, well, be happy!"
Jason is going to be all over that like a pot belly pig on a ham sandwhich. It wouldn't matter if Jennifer sounded like Fran Drescher after a 4-day bender with Courtney Love in Tommy Lee's dorm room, Jason is calling her back. Because: (1) Her name is Jennifer. It is an undeniable fact that unsightly women cannot be named Jennifer; (2) She was with a bachelorette party -- chances are, even if Jason doesn't remember which one Jennifer was, the odds of her being "the cute hot one who popped her top" are enough to take a chance; (3) she knows the name of a Hockey team; and most of all (4) she's not needy. She doesn't give a good goddamn if Jason is happy or not, she just said that to be nice. Jason knows this, and it is now his REASON FOR BEING to make her want him to be happy, truly happy, as in "fetch me a beer and a turkey pot pie, bitch" happy. Oh yeah. He'll call her back.
NOT so Light and Breezy:
"Uhm... uhm... hi. Jason. This uhm.. is Chloe. We met at .. uhm... that bar.. the other night. I was uhm.. anyway, yeah... I was wearing a red dress? And you said that I... uhm... looked like a candy cane you'd like to uhm [giggle] LICK? [Shut UP, Nancy -- he DID! YES HE DID! GO TAKE YOUR MEDS, BITCH!] Sorry... ignore my psycho roomate [giggle] uhm.. so, anyway... you mighta been kinda drunk, but you gave me your number and I thought I should call you in case... uhm... you were waiting or something and... uhm... so, yeah. Here I am! So if you.. uhm... feel like calling me back.. uhm... yeah. Do! Do! [giggle] Okay, so... I really should go. So, you know. Call me! Cuz I really... uhm... thought you were cute, and [giggle] you know... uhm.. maybe we could go OUT. You know. You know? Like.... even... HEY! This WEEKEND! We're having a family reunion? And maybe you're free? Because my Dad would totally LOVE you, because your a Bruins fan, aren't you? Yeah, you ARE cuz I overheard you talking on your cell phone when you were... uhm in the men's room... to someone named... Jennifer, maybe?... uhm... about going to the game? I sure hope she's your SISTER because I am the JEALOUS TYPE! Ha ha not really but really... that was your sister, right? I just happened to be... uhm... standing... uhm... near the men's room... and I... kinda overheard. But that's okay, right? Because we can't have secrets, right! RIGHT! Yeah. So, yeah! Call me! Okay? If I don't hear from you in an hour or so I'll call you back. Okay? I can't WAIT! I'm so glad I called! CALL ME, okay? Okay. I'm gonna go call Daddy and tell him all about you (I told you he was a cop, right?!) This will be, like, so awesome. Okay! Talk to you soon, sweetie! LOVE YOU!"
Of course, in this case Jason laughed his ass off, played it for all of his friends, family, his new girlfriend, Jennifer, and posted it on his web site.
God. I fucking hate dating. I mean, shit. I wasn't SERIOUS about the family reunion. And that Jennifer bitch? She was bowlegged.
xquzme at sometime today