2005-06-20
Hickies and cheap beer
Our neighbors are out of town, and have left their 17 year old son, Mike, home alone for the first time.
Teenage boy + empty house + 75 of his closes friends + someone with a fake ID = Babylon
HB and I have had a great time watching the various teen comings and goings.
Saturday morning at 9:30 we watched as 3 girls left the house -- with sleeping bags (hello -- why?). The only reason this is surprising is because Mike is 5'6" and weighs about 130 lbs and looks like he's at least 13. Maybe he has that teenage angst thing going for him -- or maybe he's really nice or funny in that geeky way young hot teenage girls are drawn to -- or maybe he's just got a really big .... well, nevermind.
We did learn an interesting factoid, however, from Ron, another neighborhood teen (whom I saw carrying a vacuum from his house to Mike's house this morning.... what... they don't have a vacuum? was it a two-vacuum job?), which confirmed Mikes studly status: "Check out Mike's neck! He has like 25 hickies!" Ron confided this factoid to HB at Ron's graduation party this weekend. Sure enough, Mike looks like he lost a fight with an errant vacuum cleaner. And you know, maybe that's what happened after all. Maybe they were having a vacuum fight. Kids these days.
Last night Mike had a "few" of his friends over to watch the Pistons game, which started at 9:00pm and ended at 12:15am -- at least on my TV it did. Apparently next door there was some kind of delay because they were still discussing the game -- loudly -- at 4:00am on the back deck. I know this because they woke me up out of a dead sleep. Here's a snippet of their intelligent discourse:
"Dude. You are such a fucking tool. Dude, fuck. No, dude, seriously, DUDE. Dude, were you watching? Did you have jizz in your eyes from sucking Smith's dick? FUCK no, you faggot tool. I swear to shit that he was IN BOUNDS. IN BOUNDS you fucker. yeah? YEAH? Well lick my ass, you fuckstick. You hollaback GURL. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!" [sounds of bottles breaking as they are hurled into my back yard.] [The scary part is that they are all cheering for the same team.]
Absent parents bring out the best in the youth of america, don't you think?
I intend to have a friendly conversation with Mike tonight about keeping the volume down on their fireside chats tonight, SHOULD some kind of gathering take place, not that it would, of course, after all, your PARENTS are GONE, and what the HELL is wrong with your neck? Jesus.
To their credit they are not into AC/DC or LinkinPark or FittyCent at 400 decibals at 4am, so other than their delightful and insightful conversations about basketball officiating, they're pretty harmless.
So, thanks to Mike and his Hollaback Gurls I have been up since 4am.
Dude. DUDE. I am fucking TIRED. Dude.
Payce.
xquzme at sometime today