2005-04-11
Spring has sprung
Oh, it's spring spring springy time here in Michigan.
Do you wanna know how I know?
(Do ya wannaknow howiknow?)
(dya wannaknow I know?)
(Dya....know?)
(thank you, Drunk Girl)
Okay, here's why. Last night we found this
in our bedroom.
THAT, people, is a "House Centipede", so named for it's love of the indoors, preferably your bed. The House Centipede may seem shy but actually it is a "pack insect" and likes to be around people, especially screaming women.
The House Centipede has fangs, has been known to bite, and usually has a partner. So if you see one, there is at LEAST one more. Somewhere. Probably also in the bed. Laying eggs.
Here's what the University of Arkansas Arthropod Museum Notes has to say about our little friend: "The house centipede is often seen darting across floors at high speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining motionless for some time before racing off once more."
You'll note I've emphasized some key words which I believe summarizes its true charm.
Here's a quick summary of our most recent discovery:
HB: HONEY COME QUICK COME LOOK LOOK LOOK!
me: Wha...? (following his pointed finger
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT JESUS LORD KILL IT NOW
HB: Oh, it's just a harmless Silverfish.
me: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FLUCK MR. BUGOLOGIST YOU KILL THAT SUCKER NOW....
HB: What if... I kinda SCOOPED it up and THREW it at you?! (HB leans down with an envelope, perched to do so, giggling like a 12-year old)
me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK I will DISMEMBER you and BURY YOU IN THE BACKYARD that'snoteven funny now KILL IT, RIGHT NOW (at this point I am backed up against the far side of the bedroom wall, hands over my ears)
HB: WHY are you putting your hands over your ears?
me: Because. Bugs hate that. DON'T you know ANYTHING?
It was doing the "motionless" thing at this point, probably stunned by my screaming.
me: TAYLOR TAYLOR TAYLOR KILL IT GET THE BUG NOW GET IT SAVE MOMMY!
Taylor:
(She is SO all about protecting me.)
HB finally killed it by dropping a shoe on it -- because "Unlike most other centipedes, house centipedes and their close relatives have well-developed, faceted eyes," and if they see you coming they will start that "darting" "high speed" "racing" thing again, usually right toward the nearest screaming female ("MOMMY!" they seem to say). If you hover above it and drop a Size 11 Wolverine 8" Scent Control Antelope(tm) hunting boot(we've found these work best) on it, 9 x 10 you'll at least stun it, at which point you (HB) can finish it off.
While I am all about saving small spiders because I think they get such a bad rap, I will NOT save one of these suckers, no matter how many other creatures they consume. Here's another nifty factoid: "They capture prey by half pouncing and half lassoing them. They can capture several prey items at one time. They feed on one specimen while holding the others with their quivering, lashing appendages."
Jesus. Greedy bastards.
I don't know about anyone else, but anything that has such words as "darting", "racing", "pouncing" and "quivering" as descriptors is not something you want in bed.
Unless it is Ewan McGregor. Then it's okay.
Happy Spring!
xquzme at sometime today